September Sadness

No workouts logged.

After hearing of my father's death last month I was shattered. I felt like I was crushed by a stampede of elephants. What is strange is when he had his fatal heart attack, I was running and my chest felt tight, which it never does. After that I was in shock, couldn't eat or sleep and had no motivation to do anything, but I had to rise to the occasion and take care of whatever needed to be done.

I finally feel as if I am *beginning* to accept he's gone but a part of me doesn't want to. A part of me is angry that a heart attack brought on by type 2 diabetes & high blood pressure took him away early and that I won't get to see him again. We had made plans to go on a trip together. I will use the anger to stay active and vigilant. Then again, we can only do so much to stay healthy. I'm just glad I had presence of body and mind to be helpful to my family in some way.

My dad is larger than life now, he is everywhere. I can hear his voice inside my head. He was a great musician and I have recordings of his music that I can listen to and cherish. He will continue to inspire and teach me as time goes on.

Comments

The Green Girl said…
I'm just glad I had presence of body and mind to be helpful to my family in some way.

I wouldn't expect any less from you. ::hugs::

I wish there was some way I could send some comfort your way.
Thomas said…
So sorry for your loss. I didn't know...

Just remember, "When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
--Kahlil Gibran

Your dad may be gone but your memories of him will remain in your heart.
lindsay said…
Big hug Rene. I can't imagine how you feel and what you are going through. Try to get back to some workouts - who knows maybe it will help process some emotions? Thinking of you --
TCB said…
I love you Rene - The sisters united really brought comfort to me. We accomplished strength through deep pain, I am so proud of us. I love you! Daddy is with us all at once now! In our thoughts, hearts and memories.
Jo Lynn said…
Damn! One more reason to take care of ourselves. You have been in my prayers since the moment I heard about your dad. But, you knew this already, didn't you.
RenĂ© said…
Yes & thanks to you all. I did a few easy short runs to drag myself out of bed in the morning, but not bothering to log it. I call it, my "mourning workout": 4 miles run, pushups, tricep dips, crunches and pullups.
fuzzbuzz said…
Sending big hugs, I feel the very same. It seems the mornings are the worst for me, another day to face that he is not "here". But I do feel like he is with me more than ever now, I hear his voice as well and I made a promise that every morning I wake up I will remember him laughing. It makes me smile and gives me strength. All the loveliness in the world to see I feel like I am carrying him around with me to see and experience as well. "Enjoy the life" is what he wrote in my birthday card. He would want us to.
love you

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